Two For the Road
by camihere
Summary: We lived such a beautiful romance, didn't we, Calliope? We were always two for the road, like our song said it would be.


"_Death is nothing to us, for when we are, death has not come – and when death has come, we no longer are"_ (Epicurus)

Two For The Road

They are playing our song, Calliope.

Do you remember?

When I felt fancy-free and you asked me to come wander through the world with you – and any place we chanced to be would be a rendezvous.

Do you remember that?

The notes are sweet and sad and romantic. Mr. Henry Mancini always knew how to create art – even without words. You did, too. I remember so very clearly the way you smiled and closed your eyes with a glass of red wine held loosely in between your long, delicate, yet strong fingers. I watched you; I never told you. When you thought you were alone, listening to our song, mouthing the words along with the instruments. You were always so beautiful. You made living look and feel so incredibly sensible.

We lived such a beautiful romance, didn't we, Calliope? We were always two for the road, like our song said it would be.

We traveled through the years collecting precious memories, selecting souvenirs and living life the way we pleased.

We went through the hard days with just as ease as we went through the good ones, now that I think about it. Every tear we shed for each other was just as full of love as the smiles, the laughter and the whispers. I loved the whispers. I loved the silly part of us; our cure for headaches and the sharing of greasy pizza.

When I think about it, I loved the yelling too. I loved every single quarrel and every single heartbreak. How could I not when they are a part of such a wonderful story?

I loved your fingernails, too – how they lightly scratched my skull, making their way around my hair when you thought I was asleep. I loved loving you with everything I have; with everything that makes me Arizona Robbins.

More than anything, I loved being loved by you. Being held by you was the most soothing experience in my life. I felt safe and at home the way a child does in a mother's arms. I also loved being the mother of your child – just as I loved you being the mother of your child. You'd scowl at me for thinking this, but that's what she is: she is your child. She will always be your child because there isn't a single thing about her that doesn't scream your name, even though you always said she acts more like me than you.

I will never mind that our daughter is all you. How could I when I loved you more than life itself? The sight of your little girl will never sadden me for what I've lost, I promise. When I look at her eyes, I see you dancing. When I look at her hair, I'll feel your smell. And when I see her smile, I'll tell her I love her more than it's possible.

I remember once I caught you dancing to our song with Sofia. I wish I had a picture, but the memory is so very clear I just need to close my eyes to see every detail. You whispered the words in her ears and swayed with such gentleness I thought the floor would break if I took a single step to join you like you asked me to do.

In summertime the sun did shine, in winter we drank summer wine – and every day that you were mine you made a lovely day.

Our memories are so beautiful, aren't they, Calliope?

All the rain and the snow and the sunshine – aren't they so peaceful?

Every day I spent with you was the best day of my life. It doesn't sadden me to think we ran out of tomorrows when we have so many wonderful yesterdays. It saddens me that our daughter didn't have as many todays as we did, but I know she is grateful for the fact that once, in this very same horrible world in which we exist, you once breathed and made everything around us so colorful. I will never be able to make the fact that you are gone better – not for her and definitely not for me – but there is one thing I can do and that thing is dance it out.

She cries just like you, have you ever notice that? We don't put on a loud, happy music and whip our hairs around the air like the three of us have done so many times before. This dancing it out is a lot more intimate; it's an unspoken speech we have towards each other and a silent promise of loving each other the way you loved us.

Her arms wrap around my neck and her cheek rests on my shoulder and we don't bother moving our feet – a gentle, almost nonexistent swaying of our bodies is enough dancing it out when we need to make each other clear on our subtle promise. I rest my own cheek on the top of her hair and your presence in the room is so intense and overwhelming it's almost palpable.

I'll let you go now, because how could I not? You've lived so much. You suffered and cried and laughed and smiled and loved and you were so immensely loved.

"You smell like her," our daughter says, because how could I not when I'm wearing your jacket? But somehow I know it's not just the jacket because we smelled like each other, didn't we? I love that for our daughter we will always be a single person, because we were always a package, weren't we? We were together for every accomplishment and there isn't a single 'I love you' that I said that you haven't, even if in unspoken words. "I love you," I say, but not with words. "I love you," you say, but instead it's the song that plays that says it for you.

As long as love still wears a smile I know that we'll be two for the road – and that's a long, long while.


End file.
